Sleep.

It’s currently 20 minutes past midnight and as per usual I can’t sleep. When I am successful it’s one of my all time favourite past times and nothing beats a good afternoon nap where I wake up face down, with the credits rolling from whatever film I put on and a pillow covered in my own drool. I need a full 8 hours sleep in order to function like a normal humanoid – any less and I’ll be a spaced out zombie, any more and I’ll be a cranky bitch from the depths of hell. My body is pretty specific on the exact amount of sleep that I need, and it rarely happens. Sorry world; you get either zombie or bitch Lisa on a daily basis.

It’s not like I don’t try to sleep. Insomnia has always been an issue and throughout my entire educational life I functioned on a maximum of 6 hours sleep as I went to bed at 2am every damn night. Now as an adult I need the elusive 8 hours and it is an up hill struggle trying to accomplish that simple task. Sleeping tablets and sleepy lemon tea don’t even have an effect on me anymore. I’d say it affects my life drastically but it doesn’t because I’ve been used to being sleep deprived since I was about 14.

Various things keep me awake and here’s the top issues I seem to battle every single night of my life…

Sleep time = Contemplate life time.
As soon as my head hits the pillow and my eyes give up being open, there seems to be an adrenaline buzz for my brain. Suddenly I think every single thought that has ever been thought. All of a sudden that boy who hurt my feelings 7 years ago is haunting me, when my mum told me off when I was 8 years old is parading around my head, that movie I really enjoyed is on a 2 hour replay in my mind and every vague disagreement has escalated to a full blown fist fight of what I should’ve said. I’ve tried the whole ‘I won’t think any thoughts’ thing and it doesn’t work, because within 3 seconds I’m pondering if it’s possible to not have any thoughts. It would seem for my over-active brain that it is definitely not possible.

I will die alone.
I’m a single little Pringle and sleep time is the perfect time to suddenly remind myself of that. I will definitely die alone. No one will ever love me and I’m doomed to live a sad, lonely life until I eventually die of loneliness. I should’ve said yes to a second date, that guy would’ve fallen in love with me and we could’ve got married and okay I wouldn’t be happy but I wouldn’t die alone. What if I die in my little granny flat and nobody finds me for weeks because nobody loved me or cared for my existence? Deep stuff, all highly important when I have to be up really early for work.

Demons are waiting.
Maybe I watched Buffy too much as a kid but I’m a big, unfortunate believer in the supernatural. Midnight is an ideal time to think about every single horror/supernatural related tv show or film I’ve ever seen and no matter how rationally I convince myself it’s not true, I always think they’ll be chilling in my room waiting for me to sleep. Especially ghosties. I’m petrified of the thought of ghosts so sleep time is great time for my mind to remind me of that. And if I sleep with any body part other than my head out of the duvet then a demon will scratch my skin off. I don’t know where I got that idea but it’s been in my head since very young and as a result all body parts stay tightly tucked in every single night.

It’s too hot/cold.
In the winter I tend to ‘sleep’ in my thickets heaviest pyjamas as well as a hoody and joggers under a massive duvet yet I’m still not warm enough. In the summer I go the opposite way and ‘sleep’ in minimal clothing with a thin duvet on yet I melt and sweat all over the place. I’ve tried the one leg out/one leg under the duvet trick but demons will scratch my skin off so I end up retreating under the duvet in a hot, sweaty ball. Demons can’t get through duvets so I’m safe there, despite the levels of sweat.

The Internet.
Facebook. Twitter. Instagram. Pinterest. Buzz feed. All women stalk. YouTube. Repeat x 15 times.

I had a cup of coffee. A week ago.
I used to drink like 7/8 cups of tea or coffee a day. A few panic attacks later I decided that if I was dealing with panic attacks I’d rather not do it when I’m also off my face on caffeine so I now just have 1 cup of coffee to start my day in the morning. If I can’t sleep then it must be because my bodies still amped on the cheeky extra coffee I had several days ago.

These are the main things that keep me up at night, generally just myself being slightly unhinged which I suspect will be a recurring problem for the rest of my life. I’d encourage you to let me in on what keeps you awake at night? Are you over caffeinated? Worried about demons? Going to die alone? Let me know so I know I’m not the only severely sleep-deprived person!

Insanity

So I thought it’d be super fun to turn this into my fitness blog as it may motivate me, or tomorrow I might just lie in and think ‘fuck it, I’m squishy and that’s how I’ll remain’.

Summers approaching and for once in my life I’d like to stroll across the beach and not feel the need to suck my tummy in or walk at awkward angles in order to look slightly slim. I have a hot holiday in Spain coming up and the dreaded 10k race for Macmillan Cancer Support so I seriously need to put some effort in and work my ass off.

To start this off I’ve got loads of healthy fruit and salady type food and look forward to gorging out on grapes and strawberries. I’m off to a good start; my whole family ordered take out as a Mothers Day treat but I opted for Weight Watchers lasagne and salad – clearly miracles do happen! I also intend to keep a food diary, I think I’ll eat better if I’m writing down what I eat; chicken salad sounds a lot better than an entire pizza + garlic bread + dessert… I think the main thing is I need to train myself to stop eating when I’m no longer hungry.

So the next outrageously important thing is exercise! I go through phases of doing loads to doing none. I’m currently in a doing no exercise phase and I do feel a bit crap for it. To tackle this, Luke thought it would be fun for us to really challenge ourselves by embarking on Insanity together. Insanity is a 60 day workout program that uses high intensity interval training to condition and tone your body like never before. Having said that if my body is even slightly toned then it’ll be like never before.

I’m nervous because my fitness levels are 0 and I’m likely to get half way through a workout and need a nap. I will solely rely on Luke to keep me motivated & push me to keep going when I don’t want to and I of course will do the same for him. Another thing to keep me going is blogging about it! Tomorrow I’ll take my measurements, my weight & a photo to show how I am now & eventually how I look at the end, I’m not expecting miracles; there will be days when I’ll say I’m poorly, tired, hungover or in too bad a mood but its like Insanity’s motto states: No Excuses. If all else fails I’ll get to spend an hour a day with my gorgeous boyfriend getting hot and sweaty, life’s hard!
Here’s a few photos of how I’d like my body to look; these stunning and sexy women make me green with envy.

On a final note, as previously mentioned I’m doing a 10k race for Macmillan Cancer Support, it’s a cause that means something to me and I know means something to just about everyone in the world. Cancer is one of those words that makes my blood run cold and my stomach feel sick, it ruins & brutally takes lives. Macmillan provide support for people that are affected by this deadly disease so it’s a charity I’m proud to show my support for. Any sponsors can make such a difference, even 50p can go an incredibly long way, it could be your spare change that changes people’s lives. Please sponsor me and see what your money could do: http://www.justgiving.com/Lisa-Alder

I invite any readers to send me your thoughts, feelings and any motivational tips!
Love Always,
Euphoric Obsession x