Fail-tines Day

Valentines Day is approaching within the next week and as the radiant, eternally single goddess that I am; I couldn’t care less. I never will do. I never have done. Even when in a relationship I couldn’t care any less than I do about valentines day and wished it would all pass by in a daze. What a shitty, useless holiday designed to put too much pressure on couples and make singletons feel lousy.

Okay that’s all a lie and I feel the complete opposite. I can’t help it. As far as I’m concerned Valentines Day is a time to show your love and appreciation to those that you care about, especially the one that you have the privilege of being in love with. Valentines day should be the biggest bouquet of roses regardless of the price being put up, and the tastiest chocolates you can find no matter if your hubby is on a diet, it should be shiny jewellery being advertised all over the TV. It should be grabbing the opportunity to show the person you’re in love with just how much they mean to you because you’re able too, and if you kick up a fuss about it then as far as I’m concerned you’re ignorant.

I get the argument that you shouldn’t show off that you’re in love because you have too, I just don’t see why you wouldn’t. If you’re lucky enough to be with someone who loves you in return then for the life of me I cannot fathom why you wouldn’t do everything in your power to make them feel like the most important and loved person on this earth. Valentines day is about being selfless and showing someone that you love them without expecting anything in return, that’s why people send anonymous cards right? To make someone feel special and cared for. And it’s for this reason that my best friend and I always buy each other a valentines card, just to remind the other that they’re loved in some bizarre little way.

Anyway, enough of that mushy loved up shit. I’m horribly bitter about February 14th and will be hibernating for the day. For those that play by my rules and bombard their loved ones with flowers and gifts and love, it’ll make me feel sick and I’ll chug an entire bottle of wine every time I get a snapchat or see a photo on Facebook of how lucky your missus is due to how horribly jealous I am.

So for every girl or boy disappointed by your partners lack of effort or caring for the day, rest assured you won’t be feeling half as lame as I will be. Whether you’re taking extreme pity on me or this post has made you realise ‘Heavens I need this completely pathetic girl in my life’ then please feel free to send me flowers, chocolates, jewellery or a puppy. You’ll be able to find me at home cuddling a bottle of wine, singing Adele songs to my cat and eating my feelings in the form of a vaguely heart shaped pizza.

Little Miss Never Satisfied.

Little Miss Never Satisfied is the latest nickname that mother dearest has branded me with. As per usual mummy dearest is 100% correct. I’m very confident and assertive in saying exactly what I want in life and striving to get it, problem being that 9 times out of 10 when I get it I’ve lost all interest and decide I don’t want it after all. Apparently I have a severe case of ‘only wanting the chase’, which is highly frustrating for myself and the people around me.

I’ve gone on about how it would be nice to have someone who loves me dearly and could take care of me, and how jealous of my coupled up friends I am. I met the absolutely perfect man, got on with him brilliantly, he asked me out, what did I say? No. All of a sudden I decided that single life is what suits me and makes me happiest. But then again I could still be subconsciously holding out for the wrong person because he has no interest in me. One heck of a chase when regular contact isn’t even had.

I want my job to be more challenging, so my company changed me on to a different, more responsible project and of course now that I’m here I’m far too stressed and under pressure from it and no longer want anything to do with it. Sought more challenging career, got it, bottled it due to pressure.

For the past 18 months or so I’ve been desperate for a nice new car, a Renault Megane to be precise. Everyone told me it’s too big a car and that I don’t need it, that I’d suit a Mini Cooper, ‘I don’t want a Mini Cooper, I want a Megane’ I’ve always insisted. Car shopping finally happened, saw a certain super sporty Mini Cooper S and fell immediately in love, test drove a Megane and dumped it. Don’t get me wrong, the Megane drove brilliantly, but didn’t have anywhere near the prestige that my Cooper S has.

It’s definitely not a problem with the things I’m chasing, it’s definitely a Lisa issue. It’s not as though these things change in the time I’ve set my sights on them to the time I conquer them, it’s all in my head. Maybe I set standards too high, or build things up in my mind too much. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been times the crazy, intense build up has led to great things *cough sexual frustrations cough* but generally I build something so insanely far up in my head that actually succeeding is a massive let down. Maybe it’s why I was never amazing at sales, I wanted to out do my mates but didn’t actually care about the end result.

It’s often been said by my family it would literally take a miracle for me to be satisfied, even then I’d be disappointed.
It would seem that The Rolling Stones singing I can’t get no satisfaction is far too relevant to my life these days.

So what about you? Any super annoying situations you’ve been in which have been all build up no climax? Do share I’d love to know I’m not the only one!

GayTown Wedding.

The sunniest weekend of July 2014 saw myself, my mum, sister and dad buckle up and travel down to Liskeard, Cornwall. To give you a little perspective on how rare that is, I’m currently 23, the last time we went on holiday together I was a maximum age of 10, so it had to be a pretty special occasion. My sisters oldest and best friend. Charlotte Gay, was to be wed to her hubby Chris Townsend and as we’d known her so long, they kindly invited us all to witness and take part in this huge occasion in their life together.

The wedding was to take place on a Saturday in the afternoon, I had a beautiful summery dress prepared as well as my neon orange wellies in case of rain. To say that we were a little apprehensive about what would take place was an understatement as it seemed we were to be attending the most crazy wedding that’s ever taken place. My sister was a bridesmaid so I arrived at Adrenaline Quarry with my parents, yep – the wedding was being held in a quarry.

Upon arrival we were asked if we were zip wiring. We already knew about this and had all decided no, but when we got there I had a split second change of mind and decided to do it. Dad asked if I wanted to go take a look at it before but I decided for the ignorance is bliss route. After a 10 minute walk in the sweltering heat with nothing but my nerves I arrived at the top of a cliff overlooking the quarry with a giant lake. On a 50m high cliff I got to know some of the other guests as we harnessed up in our frocks and suits before jumping into a quarry, talk about an ice breaker.

I wasn’t as scared as I expected until I stood at the take off point. The incredibly hot guy harnessing me up chatted to me easily and kept me as chilled as I could be facing potential death. I asked if I should jump or walk off the edge and he said it’s up to me, so I asked him to push me. I figured if I was about to jump to my death then the last thing I felt better be a fit mans muscular hands on my body. I screamed when he pushed me. Kids, elderly people, all sorts had gone before me, but I was the first screamer of the wedding. Soon I was laughing my head off as I plummeted towards the ground, I got pretty close to the lake and was convinced I was going to end up swimming out but I flew over the water and straight into another gorgeous mans arms as he caught me. When hot harness guy was talking to me at the top he said ‘Trust me, you’ll want to come back and do it again’. “I don’t think so.” I scoffed cockily. Needless to say he was right.

My sister decided not to zip wire (wimp) and so waited with myself and the rest of the guests as the bridesmaids came down and the bride flew down the zip wire in her wedding dress with a smile plastered on her face. She was greeted with cheering as we all made our way to the seating area to watch the ceremony. It was a very lighthearted and happy ceremony with Charlotte and Chris making a few jokes as the Cornish registrar married them. The vows were sweet and I got completely choked up as they promised to love and cherish each other always. At the bride and grooms request, the registrar presented to us Mr and Mrs GayTown as they combined their surnames which had everyone laughing.

The newlyweds continued their take on a traditional weddings by having a giant inflatable with inflatable batons to have a ‘first fight’ which saw the bride beat her husband within a matter of seconds as the guests all laughed and cheered at her victory. For the meal we had a BBQ, again, not too traditional but damn delicious after a few speeches which also got me pretty choked up. I couldn’t help but wander what the speeches would be like at my wedding, wander who would be my best man (and who’s gonna be my husband?!) and decided I’d definitely have to proof read all speeches.

Myself and my family helped ourselves happily to the chocolate fountain which had been left unattended during the group swim and the wine got the best part of me as I covered my arms and neck in glow sticks and my dad tied helium balloons to me. As nighttime fell upon the beautiful quarry, lanterns were turned on and fire pits were lit for warmth, marshmallows and for lighting our sparklers. I thought drunk people and firepits/sparklers would be a terrible combination but luckily no casualties. Chinese lanterns with heartfelt messages such as ‘If you’re a cow then don’t eat this’ were sent into the sky, or the lake for those that didn’t quite work so well – don’t worry everyone, they were biodegradable so no harm done to wherever they landed.

The first dance was to a lovely piece of music which i didn’t recognise, and something about the whole day made me feel that something more was coming, especially when I saw Charlotte say ’40 seconds’ to Chris and the best man. 40 seconds past. Star Trekking began. My sister and I took to the dance floor and there were moves that have never been made before and will never be able to be recreated.

I’ve always been quite anti-weddings so didn’t think I’d enjoy it, thought I’d scoff and gag at the vows, feel sickened by the loving gazes and generally be pretty bitter about the whole event. Instead it had the opposite effect, more than ever I desperately want to get married. Not just to anyone, but to the love of my life – I want to find that one person who I can look at in the same way that Charlotte & Chris do and dedicate my life to being with them. I sincerely wish the now Mr and Mrs Townsend both a lifetime of happiness as they start a family together and couldn’t be more chuffed that they’ve found that person in each other. As for me? The hunt for Mr.Lisa begins.

Girl Power.

I’ve never really been much of a feminist; I make degrading jokes, blame things on ‘being a woman’ and often let men take charge of my life. Maybe that means I fail as a woman? I don’t know, hopefully it just goes to show my distinct lack of research into life as a woman before we had equal rights and the right to vote and things – my heads pretty buried under the sand with that kind of stuff, shock horror: I didn’t pay attention in school. At the moment though, I’m on a tangent of woman empowerment and girl power!

I noticed it yesterday and since then things have spiralled in my mind and I’ve realised I’m all about the girls at the moment. No, that doesn’t mean I’m coming out the closet, I’m definitely attracted to men – but girls are frigging awesome. Yesterday I took part in a yearly charity 5k Race For Life event raising money for cancer research Uk – it’s a women’s only event (though men can come along and support) so it’s incredible being surrounded by thousands of women of all ages, shapes, sizes and backgrounds all there to support the same cause. I’d done no preparation for it and neither had the girls I was with, as we strolled around the track one of the older male Marshall’s encouraged ‘go on, girl power!’ To which we vaguely cheered. Even the men are all about girl power.

I took no notice of this mans ‘girl power’ and didn’t process it in my foggy little brain until today when I went on a 90’s movie marathon and watched numerous chick flicks with a strong female lead. The 90s brought us some pretty powerful female influences – Christina Aguilera with her power ballad Fighter, Britney Spears sung Stronger, Shania Twain rocked the world with Man, I feel like a woman and ultimate pop group The Spice Girls were the epitome of girl power in everything that they did.

Today’s chart music sees even more girl power themes and it’s inescapable, nothing sees a group of women hit the dance floor like a super empowering dance song. The Pussycat Dolls reminded me that I Don’t Need A Man, Beyoncé chants Who Runs The World? Girls! And Little Mix, the female federal, demand I stand up and Salute. What woman could resist storming to the dance floor when these beats hit the speakers?!

Television is another place where women play the lead, just look at 90s classics Charmed & Buffy the Vampire Slayer, see movies with feisty Megora in Hercules, powerful Lara Croft from the game series Tomb Raider or look at books, who would honestly mess with Hermione Granger from the Harry Potter series? No one, that girl is unbeatably smart and an absolute demon with a wand.

Even looking around the office, I work in recruitment which is stereotypically overpowered by men in suits full of charm & good looks. I’m proud to say our office breaks the mould; the office boss is female, the managers beneath her? Female. Majority of the team managers? Female, in fact we only have 2 team managers out of about 10 that are men. And looking around the floor at the coordinators? Majority female. Our office is dominated by women, not to say men don’t carry power in the office, they certainly do, but they’re definitely outnumbered in the battle of the genders.

I can’t help at the moment but to feel insanely proud to be a woman. Musical influences are storming the charts with female empowering lyrics, Disney movies, like Frozen, are finally showing that us girls don’t need to be saved by a man, and there’s a sense of unity on social media – If I look at my Facebook newsfeed on a weekend it’s full of groups of girls dressed to the nines going on nights out. Even when I was travelling, majority of the solo travellers were girls from all over the world.

Women are beautiful, majestic and powerful creatures, I know with the right words, correct perfume and my hair styled in a certain way that I can have certain men be putty in my hands. Maybe that makes them shallow, or maybe that shows that I know how to use my assets to my benefit and I’m sure as hell not afraid to use them. With the right pair of heels I’ll walk with a confidence that shows nobody can bring me down (dodgy curb will have me flat on my face though). Don’t get me wrong, on my girl power tangent I still appreciate chivalry – a gentleman holding the door open for me or paying for dinner is ALWAYS appreciated. Men are not inferior, they are not beneath us in anyway, but I sure wouldn’t want to be one of them in a world being taken over by women waking up to their inner strength and power!

Inspired.

So for those of you that read my last blog/know me personally you’ll be aware that I just got back from travelling around Europe. I had high hopes it would get me over various issues, take me out of my comfort zone and open my eyes up to the big wide world again. I’d gotten myself into this little Lisa-bubble where I worked everyday and only cared about getting through the day so I’d be 1 day closer to travelling, I socialised rarely because I preferred to sit in my room on my iPad browsing Pinterest.

I came back from Europe oozing confidence and happiness, it’s only a few days after but I feel like a refreshed and different person. If I can build friendships and connect so deeply with people from Australia, America and South Africa then I can find common ground with anyone I come across and strike up conversation with any passer by. If I can get blisters from pole dancing in Rome I can definitely dance the night away back home without a care in the world and a total disregard for consequence. If I can try snails and frogs legs in France then I can try anything at least once and maybe enjoy it – frogs legs were delicious.

People have always said that travel changes a person, admittedly I was only gone for a few weeks but I do feel different. I feel happier and more content (ask me again when I’ve gone back to work!) and most importantly I feel satisfied (Wheyyyyy? No.) I guess there is a certain happy satisfaction from achieving a life long goal that other aspects of life just can’t bring a person and that’s okay, next time I’m inevitably feeling crappy I’ll know that so long as I can conquer my latest dream then I’ll be just fine.

After exploring Europe I have all sorts of inspiration which I’m thriving off of. My next tattoo is planned and just need to check what days off I have so I can book it in, it’s one of our ‘quotes of the day’ from when we were in France – every time I look at it I’ll be reminded of my passion for exploring the world and the incredible time I had summer 2014. I’ve also found inspiration for the one I want after that but I can wait a good while for that one. I also want to write all the time, I’m no expert but I always enjoyed it & people say I’m good at it so why the heck not scribble down every random tangent that enters my head? I want to read stories, I read The Fault in our stars by John Green before I went away and now I’m desperately trying to find a book that made me feel the way that did. I’ve started my post-holiday detox and am ready to work my ass off with my trainer to get in shape for August bank holiday when I dress up as Harley Quinn for a Marvel vs DC night with my friends.

Overall after my little adventure I’m feeling pretty excited about everything in the world. One night in the Rhine Valley I was drinking shots with one of the Aussie guys, Matt, I mentioned how we’d feel crappy in the morning with our early start but he happily responded with ‘That’s tomorrow Matts problem’. I absolutely loved that moment, any worries I have now are tomorrow Lisa’s problem, not my problem. I’m not looking forward to how much I’ll need to do when I get back to work tomorrow, but that’s tomorrow Lisa’s problem. And in general, any issues are another day Lisa’s problem, not mine. Because right now; I don’t have a care in the world.