Bad Luck Year.

For many that know me, you’d be aware that 2013 was the worst year of my life due to various crappy events. 2014 was My Year where I travelled, got to know me, and generally had a blast – it was without a doubt the best year of my life. Now I’m nearly halfway through 2015 and I guess it falls someone in the middle of the two, it’s not the best, it’s not the worst.

One thing I do know though, is that 2015 is 100% cursed. I’m a big believer of things like astrology, horoscopes, fate, destiny, gods, karma and various other spiritual crap like that, I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s what I’m in to and I have my reasons for it. This years whacky belief is Tai Sui. Tai Sui, according to Chinese astrology is the god of age, and when you’re in your zodiac year (mine is goat) you offend him and incur his curse.

There I am, goating around…

There’s been a number of goaty events that happened to verify this being the bad luck year for me, all as stupid as the other. There’s been several little things – like falling on my neck upside down when pole dancing, or having repeated bruises from nights out, to having my friends Husky take me down faster than a Jenga tower. Other stupid things include losing 3 people’s tickets for London’s MCM comic con, ruining my mums birthday by throwing up repeatedly on the journey to her birthday holiday and of course ridiculous arguments with friends over nothing. Other curses struck when I met someone I actually liked and immediately fucked it up, started a new job that just didn’t work out, and spectacularly getting caught speeding. Not even half way through the year yet and the curse seems to be forever lingering in the air.

There is things you can do to counteract the curse, like wearing red which was given to you by family, so my sister bought me red earrings – which I lost. Jade is another colour which can ward off Tai Sui, so naturally I don’t own anything that colour. Direction affects things as well; I need things facing south west to bring me good luck; my bed faces west and my front door faces North.

I guess all in all I’ve accepted my curse this year, there’s only 7 months left – I can totally survive it, right?!

That Internet Dating Thing.

So I got physically forced to sign up to a dating site. A pal actually created a profile for me whilst I led bound, gagged and defenseless as they opened up my personal, romantic life to the online dating world. Okay, that may be a slight exaggeration. And by slight exaggeration I mean that said pal made a profile for them self and I found it highly amusing so decided to join as well. My personal opinion of internet dating was that it was all a bit desperate and shameful, full of sleazy men and catfish on every other page. I expected dirty, dreadful chat up lines, dry conversation and to fall in love within a few cheeky messages.

A few weeks on, it’s safe to say I was pretty much right. I won’t disclose the names of the websites I joined; lets call them Splenty of Dish and Pinder. The biggest fear of online dating, above the fear of falling head over heels for some 25 year old hench personal trainer who is actually a 67 year old fat balding man, was that nobody would want me. Ah yes, the crippling fear of rejection strikes again.  Both sites find you ‘matches’ based on your location and if you like them and if they like you. On Splenty of Dish you can message absolutely anyone, which means any weirdo can try their best lines on you. On Pinder you need to have a mutual match, meaning if you get a message from someone then tough luck, you chose that freak.

As I entered the world of swiping left and right for varying degrees of appealing men I started to find trends. For myself I always receive 1 of 3 messages. ‘Hey, hows you?’ This won’t get a response. It’s boring and lets face it, you don’t care how I am. ‘So you like Marvel, who’s your favourite hero?’ I seriously regret putting on my profile that I like Marvel. 90% of the conversations I’ve had have been exactly the same. Or ‘I liked your profile and think we should meet for sex’ – Well no, thank you sir. For the rare few that have broken the mould I’ve actually engaged in conversation, mostly for a bit of banter and to feed my ego. I have no intentions of meeting any of these men and I somehow doubt they want to fork out on dinner for a girl they may or may not like.

I find my current online dating experience incredibly entertaining, and it seems that others do too. I’ve now found several close friends on the sites (It’s polite to swipe right for those that you know) and discovered with fellow females that men like to reuse the exact same crap on multiple girls. One chap sent me a ‘Roses are red’ poem which he’d sent my friend 6 minutes previously. He freaked out when I dramatically replied to say ‘I thought I was the only one!’. I’ve never started a conversation with someone, I know for a fact that if I started a conversation and I received no response then I’d assume I was an ogre that nobody will ever love. Or think I look desperate.

I’ve not deluded myself into believing that I’m going to find The One online. I know of plenty of people who it’s worked for but I just don’t think it’s for me. Either way, it’s a bloody good laugh and boosted my confidence a lot. Who knows, maybe I’ll be telling my grandchildren one day that I met their grandfather online. Not quite the epic love story that I have fairytale dreams of but it’s certainly making for good stories at the pub on a Saturday night!

Fail-tines Day

Valentines Day is approaching within the next week and as the radiant, eternally single goddess that I am; I couldn’t care less. I never will do. I never have done. Even when in a relationship I couldn’t care any less than I do about valentines day and wished it would all pass by in a daze. What a shitty, useless holiday designed to put too much pressure on couples and make singletons feel lousy.

Okay that’s all a lie and I feel the complete opposite. I can’t help it. As far as I’m concerned Valentines Day is a time to show your love and appreciation to those that you care about, especially the one that you have the privilege of being in love with. Valentines day should be the biggest bouquet of roses regardless of the price being put up, and the tastiest chocolates you can find no matter if your hubby is on a diet, it should be shiny jewellery being advertised all over the TV. It should be grabbing the opportunity to show the person you’re in love with just how much they mean to you because you’re able too, and if you kick up a fuss about it then as far as I’m concerned you’re ignorant.

I get the argument that you shouldn’t show off that you’re in love because you have too, I just don’t see why you wouldn’t. If you’re lucky enough to be with someone who loves you in return then for the life of me I cannot fathom why you wouldn’t do everything in your power to make them feel like the most important and loved person on this earth. Valentines day is about being selfless and showing someone that you love them without expecting anything in return, that’s why people send anonymous cards right? To make someone feel special and cared for. And it’s for this reason that my best friend and I always buy each other a valentines card, just to remind the other that they’re loved in some bizarre little way.

Anyway, enough of that mushy loved up shit. I’m horribly bitter about February 14th and will be hibernating for the day. For those that play by my rules and bombard their loved ones with flowers and gifts and love, it’ll make me feel sick and I’ll chug an entire bottle of wine every time I get a snapchat or see a photo on Facebook of how lucky your missus is due to how horribly jealous I am.

So for every girl or boy disappointed by your partners lack of effort or caring for the day, rest assured you won’t be feeling half as lame as I will be. Whether you’re taking extreme pity on me or this post has made you realise ‘Heavens I need this completely pathetic girl in my life’ then please feel free to send me flowers, chocolates, jewellery or a puppy. You’ll be able to find me at home cuddling a bottle of wine, singing Adele songs to my cat and eating my feelings in the form of a vaguely heart shaped pizza.

394 reasons why I don’t date.

Being eternally single I often get asked how my love life’s going, I often respond with a joke or openly laugh; It’s going nowhere, but that’s okay because I’m a single independent woman who doesn’t need no man damnit! Or some shit like that…
Whilst eating lunch with my work pal Ben, I was happily stuffing my face with a baguette full of gooey sauces and tasty goodness. Real shocker, half of it ended up all over my face and dribbling down my chin – stay classy Bristol. Ben laughed at me and I giggled through my food saying ‘Reason number 394 why I don’t date’ Ben laughed and remarked that I should write a book about it; well I can’t be bothered to write a book on the obscure reasons why I can’t/shouldn’t date so this’ll have to do!

Dribbler.
As stated above, it’s a real effort for me to not wear my food, dinner dates aren’t really an option because 90% of my dinner will end up on my face, in my hair or in my cleavage. For some reason I feel like Mr.Date wouldn’t be too into that look…

Eating attractively isn’t my thing…

Drunken slurring.
I’d need a drink or 17 to calm pre-date nerves, call me old fashioned but I don’t think it’s fantastic etiquette to turn up shit faced with potential vomit on the horizon.

Dried up conversation.
I get incredibly uncomfortable when conversation starts to dry up with someone I don’t know particularly well. There’s a difference between falling into a comfortable silence and just running out of things to say. When the latter happens it usually leads to me rambling incoherently or just aborting mission and running away.

Consistently clumsy.
If there is some fresh air I will 100% fall over it, a drink in the near vicinity will be spilled, doors will be closed on someone’s fingers, cutlery dropped on the floor, offensive jokes will be made etc. My clumsiness has gotten in the way of so many important occasions in my life – sexy struts can end in a trip to hospital where I’m concerned. Nothing says romance like a hospital waiting room.

Forever clumsy.

What do I wear?
What I wear will determine everything, if I wear the wrong thing the date is doomed. I greatly dislike that pressure. Same for make up, I want to look nice, but still like me, but not like I’ve put no effort in. Too much pressure.

Snorting.
Not cocaine, I’m all for a drink to calm the nerves but I draw the line at drugs, the snorting issue is if I laugh I’m highly likely to snort. Some people find it cute and endearing, but not everyone…

My celebrity crushes have gotten out of control.
Both myself and mister-of-the-moment have to deal with the fact that they are not Robert Downey Junior, Andrew Garfield or Harry Styles. It’s a difficult fact to live with and it’ll take a lot for us to get through it. Only the strongest will survive.

Hubby.

The One Direction thing.
Can’t stop won’t stop. I relentlessly love them and am more than happy to argue with people about how wonderful they are. Arguments on dates are no nos unless an established couple right? I’d probably go for it within the first 5 minutes…

The Taylor Swift thing.
Same as above. I’m a religious Swifty and will happily sing her songs at the top of my lungs if she comes on. There is literally no control. It’s not attractive, it’s not cute, it’s not funny. It’s savage and uncontrollable.

Haters Gonna Hate Hate Hate…

I’m crazy jealous.
If the waitress’ eyes linger on you for too long, I’ll remove said eyes with the fork she’s kindly just given me. And then we have to deal with the waitress bleeding and wailing at us, which just isn’t a great date experience.

Awkward is my middle name.
Particularly highlighting the fact that I feel awkward about something, and then going on to declare ‘See? This is awkward now!’. Nobody likes that person, but unfortunately I am that person and I have minimal control over it.

I’m tired all the time.
I’ll play along and act bubbly, fun and interesting, but really the whole time I’m counting down until I can have a nap. See me pull a crazy warped face where I’m struggling to keep my mouth closed? I’m stifling a yawn. It’s not that I’m bored, I just like to sleep 98% of my life.

Sleep is The One.

I totally believe in star sign/horoscope stuff.
If our star signs are not compatible then I take that quite seriously, I realize to non-believers that sounds stupid, but my reasoning isn’t 100% stupid. Aquarius is typically compatible with Gemini’s – 2 of my best friends and my mum are Gemini’s. I’m not compatible with Cancers – my ex was a Cancer and so is one of my guy pals, the similarities between them when they’re in a relationship is uncanny. I’m not compatible with a Cancer in a romantic way, they make much better friends. And so, if our star signs aren’t compatible then it’ll always linger on my mind and put doubts there.

Cancer, Virgo, Pisces and Taurus need not apply.

I don’t take compliments well. 
I just won’t believe you, I’ll probably politely say thank you and smile uncomfortably but it’s more likely that I’ll deflect and defend what you’ve commented on. “I like you hair today” – ‘Oh really? The ends are horribly split, it needs a cut and my roots are horrendous.’ “Your make up looks nice” – ‘It’s completely uneven, it looks patchy and my eyeliner flicks don’t match.’ “Nice dress” – ‘It was a fiver from Primark, I love a bargain cause I’m such a cheapskate.’

So that’s some of my totally relevant and important reasons why I can’t/am not allowed to date. Anyone else got any crazy reasons why they can’t/don’t date?!

Woah, it’s 2015.

It’s kind of crazy, I still remember the Millennium 15 years ago, terrified of the Y2k bug. I was a youngster going to my best pal Claires house, my parents were joining because our parents were friends as well. I wore a purple short dress with a black sheer full length skirt that went over it. We ate food, danced ridiculously, drank fine wine (okay it was Pepsi, I was about 8 years old after all) and 15 years on I still basically do the same thing except with different people, stronger drinks & no parental guidance.

2014 went out with everyone vaguely singing Auld Lang Syne, hugging and kissing, clinking glasses and smiling with joy that we made it through another year. Every single year I have the same resolution – ‘To top last year’, everyone states at the start of the year ‘This is my year’. Truth is 2015 isn’t my year, 2014 was. It followed the single worst year of my life so it wouldn’t be too difficult, but still, 2014 was mine. I took on my needle phobia and walked away with multiple tattoos & a few extra piercings. I generally maintained my fitness – don’t get me wrong there was some pretty lazy times, but generally quite fit. I went to 10 different countries, which is awesome. In 2014 I accomplished a lot and learned a damn lot more. So on to 2015, what treats do I have in store for the year ahead?

Something new every month.
A pal inspired me to do something I’ve never done every single month of the year, 12 new things shouldn’t be difficult right? Surprisingly quite difficult. It was a range of things in 2014, from my first tattoo, to attending exercise classes on my own, to jumping off a cliff on a zip wire over a quarry. It was a real mixed bag last year and I expect 2015 will be no different, I’ve already got my something new for January and June. Just another 10 months to sort.

Zip wiring over a quarry was incredible!

Live music.
I shamelessly went to see One Direction last year at Wembley Stadium. Fair enough if you’re not a fan, I can no longer be bothered to argue with people about them, but either way they were absolutely incredible. I forgot how much I love live music, the atmosphere & energy were overwhelming. I also went to see a friends local band which was pretty fun. So for 2015 I have tickets to go see One Direction again, and Fall Out Boy – who I’ve been gagging to see for years. I’d like to see more local bands as well as the big bands!

More travel.
I’ve already accepted that I won’t be going to 10 countries this year, it’s just not going to be happening. However, I have a good few weeks holiday so current plans include loading up Starky and doing a mini tour of the UK on my own. Later in the summer, my favourite traveling partner Katie and I have decided to go to Croatia, we’ve been harping on about Croatia for about a year now so it makes sense that we go together, besides, we always have a fantastic time together.

More holidays with this girlie.

A little more metal.
I’m loving piercings at the moment and have become a little obsessed, I’ve managed to reign it in and not go overboard quite yet. So  far I have 3 in each ear & my nose pierced. Right at the end of December I got hooked on a DC TV series called Arrow (So awesome, just watch it.) There’s a character on it called Felicity Smoak who I completely idolize; she’s the brains behind Arrow & physically she’s a goddess – she has thick long blonde hair, wears glasses (Holla specs crew!) and always has fierce piercing game, Felicity has sparked my piercing obsession, she’s got something funky going on in her top right ear. She also makes me want to seriously up my office wear game.

Piercing/hair/glasses/office wear idol.

Maybe some fresh ink.
So I totally banished my needle phobia last year – well needles in guns with ink pouring out of them are okay anyway. I got my first tattoo in January and it soon spiraled so I had a nice collection of 6 tattoos, all inspired by different things personal to me. I currently don’t have any inspiration or particularly want more tattoos, but I know the tattoo itch will strike again and I’ll definitely want more. Inspiration comes from crazy places so I’m keeping my eyes wide open.

Fresh air.
I really want to get into going for long nature walks on weekends, I don’t have anyone to go with which puts me off a little bit but I certainly like the idea of it anyway.

Fitness freak.
As mentioned I maintained my exercise quite well last year, I’d like to keep that going and experiment with different types of exercise and fitness classes, in fact I’m embarking on pole dancing in just a few days (for fitness, not a new career choice). So watch this space, I’ll be one toned skinny minnie.

Pursue my nerdy dreams.
Hardly a secret that I’m a fan of all things Marvel and various other worlds, so it’s about time that I make my way to Londons MCM Comic Con. My pals and I are going all out, I’ll be reusing my Harley Quinn costume and arriving with a troop of villains and heroes from the Marvel & DC universes.

Harley takes on The Batman with her love The Joker.

So it’s safe to say I have a lot to be getting on with this year, it should be pretty busy as usual but that’s what keeps my happy. Please feel free to share with me whatever weird and wonderful plans you may have, I’d love to know!

Lisa’s completely reasonable Christmas list.

Well would you look at that? We are now exactly 1 month away from Christmas. My company got paid today and a lot of people have payday coming up so I felt it’s only fair to go ahead and get my yearly Christmas list out there.

Hubby.
Santa failed to bring me Robert Downey Jnr, Harry Styles or Andrew Garfield last year. I’d appreciate if people would put more effort in this year.

Diamonds.
Diamonds are a girls best friend after all. Last year I did well with a Pandora bracelet & a necklace. The necklace got lost. I could use a replacement please – something quirky & simple. Or a ring, I collect rings, size K please.

A puppy.
Preferably a Husky, will settle for a German Shepherd. I like wolffish dogs so either would be ideal.

Ironman suit.
For those unaware, I’m vaguely interested in the Ironman series. It’d be quite cool to have my own official suit. Gone would be my worries about traffic on the way to work every morning.

Audi R8.
Don’t get me wrong, I desperately love Starky, my Mini Cooper S, but Starky could use a sister in the form of a white Audi R8. Or a Maserati would be acceptable I guess…

More tattoos.
Admittedly I don’t have any more planned at the moment but I’ve no doubt I’ll want more in the future.

A new bed.
I’ve had the same one for 10 years now, it’s quite broken. So a nice blinged up 4 poster bed would be nice, memory foam mattress is a must.

A house.
Really, I need a home for myself. I’m ready to leave the nest and have my own space and maids. One of the previously mentioned hubbies can look after it during the day whilst I go to work every day.

See? Perfectly reasonable. Most places accept credit cards so make sure your limits are high enough. Thanks all. Let me know what you want for Christmas in return so I can pretend to give a shit.

Obsessed completely.

A few years ago I started this blog and named it ‘Euphoric Obsessions’, it was meant to be based on things that make me euphoric and things I’m obsessed with. I don’t think I’ve ever really written about these things, instead I just like to bitch about humans (particularly men) and rant about whatever latest thing has irked me greatly. So let’s get a bit of insight into what makes me tick, what makes my eye twitch ever so slightly with crystallised happiness as I fight with myself to keep a lid on my latest obsession.

Turning plug switches off.
I can thank my BFF for this one, she obsessively has to turn off any switches that aren’t in use. I spend too much time with her and have caught this disease from her. I cannot walk past a switch which is on with nothing plugged in and just leave it, I’ve tried, REALLY tried, but I’ll always double back and turn it off. Some of the guys at work have cottoned on to this and like to turn switches back on after I’ve turned them off to wind me up. Assholes.

Harley Quinn.
I can’t stand the Batman series so this is an unexpected one. For August bank holiday 2014 my buds and I took part in a pub crawl dressed as Marvel/DC characters. I opted for Harley Quinn as she’s a blonde villain, I’m blonde and like to think I’d be a villain in a movie (cause I’m such a bad ass). I’m a real perfectionist so spent hours looking at costumes, make up styles etc and ended up being a bit obsessed with her. Okay she might be a psychopath but who isn’t at least a little bit?! It’s only because she’s desperately in love, no woman can feign innocence for going a little crazy in love.

Closing all apps when locking my phone.
If I don’t close all apps on my phone/iPad when I’m about to lock it then it’ll explode. Not a risk that I’m remotely willing to take.

Feeling my hair on my back.
No, I don’t have a hairy back. What I mean is I have desperately wanted long hair for years. Now I seem to have it it brings me insane pleasure when I have a low backed top on and can feel my hair brush against it with every move I make. I can’t really explain it, but it’s pure pride and satisfaction.

Gappy fringe.
I’ve had a fringe since I was 13, it’s remained the same for 10 years now. Same length, side, style, everything. However when it starts to grow out a little bit it gets all gappy when it’s styled and makes me deeply unhappy. As a result I often end up cutting my own fringe which inevitably ends up wonky.

Cars.
Like most fathers, Daddy wanted to have a baby boy. Instead he was blessed with 2 beautiful baby girls. I was the closest to a boy that he got, I’ve always dressed like a girl but been bit of a tomboy at heart. At the ripe age of 11 he got me into the Fast & Furious series, sparking my interest in cars. Since then I’ve been fascinated by cars, how they move, look, the noises they make, the wheels they have, the lights they have, how customisable they are, and of course their speed. I’ve been driving for 4 years and had 5 cars in that time, there’s been nothing wrong with any of them but I get bored easily. At the moment I have a Mini Cooper S and it’s an absolute demon.

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Keeping my heels on.
Like many females I can spend hours getting ready for a night out. Towards the end of the night though I’ve stopped caring how I look. My feet hurt, my hairs irritating, make ups a little smudged – I’ve officially run out of fucks to give. Girls around me have given up and taken their shoes off, opting to dance on dirty floor with their bare feet. I feel the same, I do get it – but absolutely nothing on earth would have me taking my shoes off. I’ve had my feet literally bleeding before but they’ve remained firmly on. The indignity of it.

Boys making the first move.
Maybe it’s cause I like to think I’m a bit more old school or maybe it’s because I’m a gigantic coward. I always think it’s a guys responsibility to make the first move, whether it’s asking for my number, texting me first or asking me out. Chances are I desperately want to do these things but I’m too stubborn to admit it and do it.

All things Harry Potter.
I’ve been watching the films & reading the books since I was a little’un and it taught me a lot about life, friendship and a lot of core values. It gets mentioned in passing a lot and it sparks off this insane frenzy in me, I regularly have to tone down the crazy in order to appear to be a normal humanoid.

Tattoos.
Whether they are on me or someone else, I don’t care. The body is a canvas, let’s decorate it.

I guess it’s a pretty jumbled list of things that I’m obsessed with. So tell me, what little random things are you obsessed with?!

Winter is on it’s way!

At about this time every year I make a post similar to this one – winter is on it’s way to us Brits and I’m very excited about it. Temperatures have rapidly dropped whilst we have cold rays of sunshine beating down on us, scarves have gradually climbed back out of the closet and hot drinks are being permanently pumped into people via a medical drip.

I seem to always get depressed during winter, I majorly suffer from Seasonally Affected Disorder, so the lack of Vitamin D makes for a cranky girl, but still – my soul is happiest in the winter. I love it when I’m driving home from work at my usual time and notice that actually; it’s getting dark already so lights need to go on, when the leaves have fallen from the trees and turned a autumnal orange colour and especially when hot chocolate in bed becomes a nightly routine. Hot baths are a must for cold and creaky bones, which is a known soul soother, snuggly coats are constantly adorned upon frozen bodies and wooly hats are an absolute must to keep your head toasty.

Winter is so incredibly beautiful. Not only is it my favourite season for fashion (mostly due to my epic boots from Aldo which I want to marry), but it’s so pretty in the mornings – when the sun starts to rise and turns the sky a icy pink and grass has a white tinge from frost, it’s impossible to keep a smile off of my rosy cheeked face. The feeling of crawling into my cosy bed after a hard days works when I’m tired, sore and cold is unbeatable. Fireworks will be scattered across the sky like artwork as everyone prepares for firework night and soon enough, dainty fairy lights will be sprinkled across buildings to get ready for Christmas.

So despite the rain which will beat upon the office windows and ignoring the continual loop of colds and coughs – I absolutely love winter and love that it’s fast approaching. My thermals, boots, hats, scarves and coats shall be ready to greet my favourite season, like welcoming back an old friend. So tell me, what’s your favourite season and why? I’d love to know!

Therapy.

I guess I’m a pretty lucky and stereotypical 20-something year old woman. I’m surrounded by good friends, my family’s dysfunctional but works somehow, got a decent job, healths not in terrible shape, swanky car, roof over my head, always well fed etc. Overall, monetary wise, I’m just not that rich. But lifestyle wise – I’m rolling in it.

Despite all of my personal riches and wonderful things that I have on my side, life just gets me down some times. I can’t help it, I’m crippled by being inherently human. There’s days when work is such an intensive struggle that I don’t know how I’ll physically get through the day, times when my whole family are driving me up the wall and I just want to hide from every person and occasions when I dream of not living in my home town so I can start a new life for myself. Everyone gets days like this, everyone has a phase where it seems to be one terrible day to another. Generally the good days outweigh the bad and deep down I always know there’s something good coming – positive thinking and all that shit. But when it’s all that bit too much how do you keep yourself sane?

Drink wine.
A decent bottle of wine waiting at home is a must for days like this. There’s been many a tough shift at work where the only thing that gets me to the end of the day is the thought of getting home & pouring a large glass of wine for myself.

Nap.
Ever have far too much to do and not enough hours in the day? Now and again it’s best to just completely ignore your task list, get comfy, rest your head and catch some seriously needed z’s. Your productivity rate will increase following your nap of super powers.

Suss who’s best for which rant.
It’s all well and good off-loading your problems on to someone else, but make sure you speak to the right person. If it’s guy problems I’m about 150% sure my dad’s not the person to go too – if it’s work related, he’s the man. If it’s sex related, then my girl friends shall be called upon – the look of discomfort on my male friends faces isn’t one to easily forget.

Have an emergency packet of cigarettes stashed somewhere.
This is terrible advice & could literally kill you, it’s just how I stay calm. I’m an ex-smoker but always said if I feel the need to smoke then I will. The freedom to light up if I absolutely cannot handle not smoking is such a soothing feeling. And usually it’s been so long since I’ve smoked that a few drags makes me light headed and I’m done then anyway.

Eat.
It’s an unspoken law that if I’m nursing a Pizza Hut box then I’ve had the day from hell. It is known that I’m not to be approached, do not ask me about it, and don’t even think about asking if you can have a piece. Lives have been lost by people asking if I’m okay or asking to have a slice of my greasy pizza goodness.

Netflix binge.
90’s movies and Buffy the vampire slayer are medically approved stress relievers. Just ask legendary Dr.Net Flicks, he wrote some huge, important medical journals about their well known healing powers. Okay I made that last bit up.

Sex.
When my heart is racing, my emotions all over the place, my blood boiling and my body quaking, the best thing to release all that pent up tension is a good old fashioned fuck.

Exercise.
When the above tragically isn’t an option, hitting the treadmill with my most aggressive music and sprinting the hardest and fastest that I can has be known to do the trick. Though I’m sure it’s not rocket science which I’d prefer.

So when you’re having a lousy day and you’re at your wits end, what’s your therapy?

Little Miss Never Satisfied.

Little Miss Never Satisfied is the latest nickname that mother dearest has branded me with. As per usual mummy dearest is 100% correct. I’m very confident and assertive in saying exactly what I want in life and striving to get it, problem being that 9 times out of 10 when I get it I’ve lost all interest and decide I don’t want it after all. Apparently I have a severe case of ‘only wanting the chase’, which is highly frustrating for myself and the people around me.

I’ve gone on about how it would be nice to have someone who loves me dearly and could take care of me, and how jealous of my coupled up friends I am. I met the absolutely perfect man, got on with him brilliantly, he asked me out, what did I say? No. All of a sudden I decided that single life is what suits me and makes me happiest. But then again I could still be subconsciously holding out for the wrong person because he has no interest in me. One heck of a chase when regular contact isn’t even had.

I want my job to be more challenging, so my company changed me on to a different, more responsible project and of course now that I’m here I’m far too stressed and under pressure from it and no longer want anything to do with it. Sought more challenging career, got it, bottled it due to pressure.

For the past 18 months or so I’ve been desperate for a nice new car, a Renault Megane to be precise. Everyone told me it’s too big a car and that I don’t need it, that I’d suit a Mini Cooper, ‘I don’t want a Mini Cooper, I want a Megane’ I’ve always insisted. Car shopping finally happened, saw a certain super sporty Mini Cooper S and fell immediately in love, test drove a Megane and dumped it. Don’t get me wrong, the Megane drove brilliantly, but didn’t have anywhere near the prestige that my Cooper S has.

It’s definitely not a problem with the things I’m chasing, it’s definitely a Lisa issue. It’s not as though these things change in the time I’ve set my sights on them to the time I conquer them, it’s all in my head. Maybe I set standards too high, or build things up in my mind too much. Don’t get me wrong, there’s been times the crazy, intense build up has led to great things *cough sexual frustrations cough* but generally I build something so insanely far up in my head that actually succeeding is a massive let down. Maybe it’s why I was never amazing at sales, I wanted to out do my mates but didn’t actually care about the end result.

It’s often been said by my family it would literally take a miracle for me to be satisfied, even then I’d be disappointed.
It would seem that The Rolling Stones singing I can’t get no satisfaction is far too relevant to my life these days.

So what about you? Any super annoying situations you’ve been in which have been all build up no climax? Do share I’d love to know I’m not the only one!