Fail-tines Day

Valentines Day is approaching within the next week and as the radiant, eternally single goddess that I am; I couldn’t care less. I never will do. I never have done. Even when in a relationship I couldn’t care any less than I do about valentines day and wished it would all pass by in a daze. What a shitty, useless holiday designed to put too much pressure on couples and make singletons feel lousy.

Okay that’s all a lie and I feel the complete opposite. I can’t help it. As far as I’m concerned Valentines Day is a time to show your love and appreciation to those that you care about, especially the one that you have the privilege of being in love with. Valentines day should be the biggest bouquet of roses regardless of the price being put up, and the tastiest chocolates you can find no matter if your hubby is on a diet, it should be shiny jewellery being advertised all over the TV. It should be grabbing the opportunity to show the person you’re in love with just how much they mean to you because you’re able too, and if you kick up a fuss about it then as far as I’m concerned you’re ignorant.

I get the argument that you shouldn’t show off that you’re in love because you have too, I just don’t see why you wouldn’t. If you’re lucky enough to be with someone who loves you in return then for the life of me I cannot fathom why you wouldn’t do everything in your power to make them feel like the most important and loved person on this earth. Valentines day is about being selfless and showing someone that you love them without expecting anything in return, that’s why people send anonymous cards right? To make someone feel special and cared for. And it’s for this reason that my best friend and I always buy each other a valentines card, just to remind the other that they’re loved in some bizarre little way.

Anyway, enough of that mushy loved up shit. I’m horribly bitter about February 14th and will be hibernating for the day. For those that play by my rules and bombard their loved ones with flowers and gifts and love, it’ll make me feel sick and I’ll chug an entire bottle of wine every time I get a snapchat or see a photo on Facebook of how lucky your missus is due to how horribly jealous I am.

So for every girl or boy disappointed by your partners lack of effort or caring for the day, rest assured you won’t be feeling half as lame as I will be. Whether you’re taking extreme pity on me or this post has made you realise ‘Heavens I need this completely pathetic girl in my life’ then please feel free to send me flowers, chocolates, jewellery or a puppy. You’ll be able to find me at home cuddling a bottle of wine, singing Adele songs to my cat and eating my feelings in the form of a vaguely heart shaped pizza.

Winter is on it’s way!

At about this time every year I make a post similar to this one – winter is on it’s way to us Brits and I’m very excited about it. Temperatures have rapidly dropped whilst we have cold rays of sunshine beating down on us, scarves have gradually climbed back out of the closet and hot drinks are being permanently pumped into people via a medical drip.

I seem to always get depressed during winter, I majorly suffer from Seasonally Affected Disorder, so the lack of Vitamin D makes for a cranky girl, but still – my soul is happiest in the winter. I love it when I’m driving home from work at my usual time and notice that actually; it’s getting dark already so lights need to go on, when the leaves have fallen from the trees and turned a autumnal orange colour and especially when hot chocolate in bed becomes a nightly routine. Hot baths are a must for cold and creaky bones, which is a known soul soother, snuggly coats are constantly adorned upon frozen bodies and wooly hats are an absolute must to keep your head toasty.

Winter is so incredibly beautiful. Not only is it my favourite season for fashion (mostly due to my epic boots from Aldo which I want to marry), but it’s so pretty in the mornings – when the sun starts to rise and turns the sky a icy pink and grass has a white tinge from frost, it’s impossible to keep a smile off of my rosy cheeked face. The feeling of crawling into my cosy bed after a hard days works when I’m tired, sore and cold is unbeatable. Fireworks will be scattered across the sky like artwork as everyone prepares for firework night and soon enough, dainty fairy lights will be sprinkled across buildings to get ready for Christmas.

So despite the rain which will beat upon the office windows and ignoring the continual loop of colds and coughs – I absolutely love winter and love that it’s fast approaching. My thermals, boots, hats, scarves and coats shall be ready to greet my favourite season, like welcoming back an old friend. So tell me, what’s your favourite season and why? I’d love to know!

GayTown Wedding.

The sunniest weekend of July 2014 saw myself, my mum, sister and dad buckle up and travel down to Liskeard, Cornwall. To give you a little perspective on how rare that is, I’m currently 23, the last time we went on holiday together I was a maximum age of 10, so it had to be a pretty special occasion. My sisters oldest and best friend. Charlotte Gay, was to be wed to her hubby Chris Townsend and as we’d known her so long, they kindly invited us all to witness and take part in this huge occasion in their life together.

The wedding was to take place on a Saturday in the afternoon, I had a beautiful summery dress prepared as well as my neon orange wellies in case of rain. To say that we were a little apprehensive about what would take place was an understatement as it seemed we were to be attending the most crazy wedding that’s ever taken place. My sister was a bridesmaid so I arrived at Adrenaline Quarry with my parents, yep – the wedding was being held in a quarry.

Upon arrival we were asked if we were zip wiring. We already knew about this and had all decided no, but when we got there I had a split second change of mind and decided to do it. Dad asked if I wanted to go take a look at it before but I decided for the ignorance is bliss route. After a 10 minute walk in the sweltering heat with nothing but my nerves I arrived at the top of a cliff overlooking the quarry with a giant lake. On a 50m high cliff I got to know some of the other guests as we harnessed up in our frocks and suits before jumping into a quarry, talk about an ice breaker.

I wasn’t as scared as I expected until I stood at the take off point. The incredibly hot guy harnessing me up chatted to me easily and kept me as chilled as I could be facing potential death. I asked if I should jump or walk off the edge and he said it’s up to me, so I asked him to push me. I figured if I was about to jump to my death then the last thing I felt better be a fit mans muscular hands on my body. I screamed when he pushed me. Kids, elderly people, all sorts had gone before me, but I was the first screamer of the wedding. Soon I was laughing my head off as I plummeted towards the ground, I got pretty close to the lake and was convinced I was going to end up swimming out but I flew over the water and straight into another gorgeous mans arms as he caught me. When hot harness guy was talking to me at the top he said ‘Trust me, you’ll want to come back and do it again’. “I don’t think so.” I scoffed cockily. Needless to say he was right.

My sister decided not to zip wire (wimp) and so waited with myself and the rest of the guests as the bridesmaids came down and the bride flew down the zip wire in her wedding dress with a smile plastered on her face. She was greeted with cheering as we all made our way to the seating area to watch the ceremony. It was a very lighthearted and happy ceremony with Charlotte and Chris making a few jokes as the Cornish registrar married them. The vows were sweet and I got completely choked up as they promised to love and cherish each other always. At the bride and grooms request, the registrar presented to us Mr and Mrs GayTown as they combined their surnames which had everyone laughing.

The newlyweds continued their take on a traditional weddings by having a giant inflatable with inflatable batons to have a ‘first fight’ which saw the bride beat her husband within a matter of seconds as the guests all laughed and cheered at her victory. For the meal we had a BBQ, again, not too traditional but damn delicious after a few speeches which also got me pretty choked up. I couldn’t help but wander what the speeches would be like at my wedding, wander who would be my best man (and who’s gonna be my husband?!) and decided I’d definitely have to proof read all speeches.

Myself and my family helped ourselves happily to the chocolate fountain which had been left unattended during the group swim and the wine got the best part of me as I covered my arms and neck in glow sticks and my dad tied helium balloons to me. As nighttime fell upon the beautiful quarry, lanterns were turned on and fire pits were lit for warmth, marshmallows and for lighting our sparklers. I thought drunk people and firepits/sparklers would be a terrible combination but luckily no casualties. Chinese lanterns with heartfelt messages such as ‘If you’re a cow then don’t eat this’ were sent into the sky, or the lake for those that didn’t quite work so well – don’t worry everyone, they were biodegradable so no harm done to wherever they landed.

The first dance was to a lovely piece of music which i didn’t recognise, and something about the whole day made me feel that something more was coming, especially when I saw Charlotte say ’40 seconds’ to Chris and the best man. 40 seconds past. Star Trekking began. My sister and I took to the dance floor and there were moves that have never been made before and will never be able to be recreated.

I’ve always been quite anti-weddings so didn’t think I’d enjoy it, thought I’d scoff and gag at the vows, feel sickened by the loving gazes and generally be pretty bitter about the whole event. Instead it had the opposite effect, more than ever I desperately want to get married. Not just to anyone, but to the love of my life – I want to find that one person who I can look at in the same way that Charlotte & Chris do and dedicate my life to being with them. I sincerely wish the now Mr and Mrs Townsend both a lifetime of happiness as they start a family together and couldn’t be more chuffed that they’ve found that person in each other. As for me? The hunt for Mr.Lisa begins.

Getting Comfortable with Lisa.

During a recent Netflix binge I was reliving my childhood by watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, it was an episode where a super geek built himself a robot girlfriend. Buffy’s just been recently broken up with and she’s trying to get back into dating. At the end of the episode, she’s speaking with her loyal friend Xander and says “I don’t need a guy right now, I need me. I need to get comfortable being alone with Buffy.” Never has a Buffy quote hit home so hard.

As everyone who knows me or has read my blog before will know, I rejoined the singles game in October. It was the first time in 3 years and I was clueless as to how to do the whole ridin’ solo thing. However, I seemed to do alright, I had myself a new 24/7 texting buddy within a day and scored myself a date within 2 weeks. The texting buddy wasn’t romantic, that was only ever going to be friendship and I bailed on mister date before he reached date number 2. Regardless of these things going nowhere I still had something to take my mind off the break up and my home life crashing down around me, and these guys made me feel wanted and important, I even felt needed at times.

I never felt as alone as I should’ve done because I filled the void with other things and people. I may not have had someone I was in a relationship with but I did have someone I could talk to about anything and just hang out doing nothing with, which is what I needed. I did what I expect most people would do and spent weekends partying or going away because it was easier than being home. But the problem there is, what happens when all of that dies out? What happens when the partying gets boring? Going away is no longer feasible? And the people that made you feel better are no longer there?

There’s loads of cliches about getting to know yourself after a break up and corny stuff about how you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. I always thought it was a crock of shit until really recently. All of a sudden the texting stopped and some friendships aren’t what they were, the partying died out because I’m saving for a holiday and I’ve not been out of Bristol once this year. For the first time in about 4 years I’ve felt truly alone and had to rediscover who I am without relying on other people to distract me.

In the past month or 2 I’ve finally gone through the motions which means my family have had to put up with a whirlwind of bipolar mood swings with no real explanation from me but I’m getting back to me. I’ve been happier over the past couple of weeks because I’ve finally taken the weight off my shoulders and let go of everything. I’ve accepted the fact that it’s okay to hurt and still grieve now and again if I need too, whether it’s about my previous relationship, my grandad or just a bad day at work.

I’ve become really focused on bettering myself in every way, for my benefit not anyone else’s. I’ve become really focused and driven at work, applied for a training coarse to finally pursue a career in training and got really into fitness. I’ve been seeing physical results in my body improving which is the greatest motivation ever. I keep getting comments from colleagues and friends saying I’m looking great, which is obviously amazing to hear. Most importantly though I’m feeling great. I’ve embraced my insecurities and am working on my self esteem. I’m doing exactly what my life guru said, I’m getting comfortable being alone with Lisa.

Things that men seem unable to understand about women.

I’ve recently moved desks at work which has meant leaving a wonderful circle of women who just automatically understand things, to now being surrounded by men who just don’t get it. These men are various ages, cultures and backgrounds but they all seem to agree on certain things they just don’t get about the females in their lives. My new circle are proving to be wonderfully curious and have sporadically asked me about certain things women do & why, I don’t know why they think my answers are gospel, but I’ll go with it & consider myself to be their life/woman guru.

Why do girls like bad boys?
This is one of those age old things that seems to be ingrained in women and it’s horrible. Years ago there was an episode of The Hills where LC said ‘We want to be the ones to change them’ LC summed it up quite nicely. It’s not like we see a guy and think they’re terrible and go crazy. It’s something about being the one girl that’s so incredible and heartbreakingly perfect that their bad boy ways are tamed because they’re so deeply in love with us. Taylor swift wrote an entire song about this complex – ‘I knew you were trouble’ – she gets it. If I know someones no good for me, then I can’t help it, I’m powerless. Plus stereotypical bad boy looks with tattoos, stubble and a leather jacket is unbearably hot.

Why do women fall in love with men then try to change them?
Speaking from experience are we? I think I came up with about the best response I could really: It’s not that we want to change you, it’s that we want you to be the best version of yourself possible. If I can have the spectacular version of you that swept me off my feet but will also do simple things like put the toilet seat down, call me first just to say Hello, or go for a promotion at work that you normally wouldn’t, then I will have that version of you.

Why we get so irate about no text backs?
This wasn’t actually a topic inspired by work colleagues, it’s from various coupled up friends and also I can relate from when I was in a relationship. When relationships first start out texting is all day everyday from both parties. So all of a sudden that stops and we’re getting no response for hours and when we do get a response it’s way below-standard. It may seem like such a trivial thing to you, but for us over-analysing women it’s infuriating. Is it because there’s another woman? Are you having a sordid affair? Are you bored of me? Do you hate me? Are you dead? No text backs turn me into a paranoid banshee which I like to avoid. So don’t be such an ass and text back when I text you.

What’s with the shoe obsession?
Not all women have a shoe problem, I’ve got a close a friend with a serious handbag addiction, but for me it’s definitely shoes. Various queries were raised on this topic so I’ll do a quick fire round. Why so many? I need variety to go with different outfits and therefore different colours. Pretty shoes or comfy shoes? Pretty. Shoes are meant to be beautiful, if my feet will suffer for a day as a result then so be it. Why buy shoes then never wear them? I have a pair of Kurt Geigers that were £90 down to £19, this is a bargain, they don’t fit, they go with nothing, but I love them and so I’ll keep them. I summed up my shoe obsession nicely to my baffled colleague – For me, Shoes are wearable art.

Can women have sex without being in love?
Yes we can. It seems to be a pretty old fashioned way of thinking that women can’t differentiate sex from love. They’re 2 very different things and in fairness are intensified & best when they’re interlinked. But actually for a modern day woman, a physical act that is all about pleasure without being in love is quite possible. And enjoyable.

How do we fall so intensely in love with book characters?
Have you read The Hunger Games? Divergent? 50 Shades of Grey? No? Then don’t ever bother trying to understand how the description of an ideal & beautiful man being heroic, kind, dirty & romantic appeals to us. Women fall so easily in love with the idea of someone, our fictional men can’t disappoint us by not texting us back, not forgetting our birthdays, or by having bad breath in the morning etc.

Why do women take SO long to get ready for a night out?
Okay, getting ready for a night out takes me an average of 1hour – 4 days. I’m not even kidding, I get ready in the time allocated to me. If I know I’m going out on the weekend and it’s currently Tuesday then it’s time to start using the gradual fake tanner so I don’t stink of fake tan on the night. If I’m invited to go out in an hour I will be ready in that time but I won’t be happy about it. Generally I like approximately a 2-3 hour time slot to get ready as it’s a whole lengthy process. I shower, shave, exfoliate, moisturise, prime, dry my hair, curl my hair, do my makeup, smudge it, have to restart, paint my nails, choose a perfect & long-lasting perfume, decide what to wear, decide which of my beautiful shoes to wear, change my mind, make a final decision on what to wear, have it approved by someone else, take photos & finally consider leaving the house. This is all done alongside eternal procrastination, enjoying a glass of wine, dancing to music/channeling my inner Beyoncé, watching Great Gatsby & sorting out what my mates are wearing. I love the whole process, stop questioning it, it’s all part of the night out.

Coming soon: What I’ll never understand about the male species.
Most images found on Google, some are my own. Aren’t I such a fab photographer?!